Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
