he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
