You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
