She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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