I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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