So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
