she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
