He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
