I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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