She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
