and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
