remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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