you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
