Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
