he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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