Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
