I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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