So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
