No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
