I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
