Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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