Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
