when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
