brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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