I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
