Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
