Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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