I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
