last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
