a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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