i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
