I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am naked and annoyed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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