dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
