I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
