I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am available for nakedness
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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