I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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