turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were destined to go to rehab together
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
