I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
