brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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