Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
