At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
