On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
