dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
