I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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