i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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