jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
