we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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