Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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