she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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