Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
