Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
