those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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