Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We are two peas in an std pod
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
