a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
