in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
