I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
