I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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