I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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