So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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