A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
