I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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