Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
