I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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