I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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