The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
