one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All the doctor said was why
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
