you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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