if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
