Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I believe in your delicious
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
