I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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