puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
