A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
