I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
