My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
