he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
